‘I saw it as a failure’: Sonia Gray on what she learned from shock DWTS elimination

Sonia Gray has become a household name after hosting Lotto for 17 years – but she is working through a lot behind the scenes. Photo / Supplied.
Over the past two decades, Sonia Gray has become one of New Zealand’s most beloved stars. The actress and presenter has become synonymous with Lotto as the main presenter, but over the past few years has become a staunch advocate for a better understanding of neurodiversity.
Yet it was back in the 90s that her career in the entertainment industry first began, after being scouted as a model.
Speaking to the NZ Herald’s Straight Up podcast, hosted by Niva Retimanu and Beatrice Faumuina, Gray said she was drawn to modelling as a career as it meant travelling the world and working in exotic locations, but while it did take her around the globe, it wasn’t always glamorous.
“Modelling, especially at that time, was not great for your self-esteem because you’re completely annoyed, judged on what you look like, so you’re never good enough. So even those top models, a Gigi Hadid or whatever, will not think she’s good enough because your faults are always pointed out.”
One comment that she got that showed modelling wasn’t for her was one audition for a swimsuit show that was “really horrible”.
“You had to walk down this hallway towards the judging panel and turn around so they could look at you from behind and hold. So they’re just looking at your butt and then walk back.
“So I walked down, I did my turn. I. And the head judge said, ‘Look at that butt, she’s not swimwear’. Then I had to walk all the way back with them looking at my butt that was not swimwear.”
Gray said the industry has come a long way since then, including supporting more diversity in their talent, as there were often shows where she would be the sole brown or Asian person on the line-up.
She said she has struggled with criticism her entire life, which she later learned was a trait from her ADHD – a diagnosis she didn’t receive until her mid-40s, after one of her daughters had gone through several screenings for neurodiversity.
Gray explained that parents of kids with ADHD are always tested as well, and while she was convinced she did not have it, she received a call on a Friday night from the psychologist telling her she had scored 100 per cent for inattentive ADHD.
“I’ve had a long history of anxiety, mainly, and depression. And he said, I think this is the cause of it. And that was a real light bulb moment for me,” Gray explained, and said that after she told her mum, she felt it explained her whole childhood.
“It’s been so helpful to me because now I’ve learned about it, I’m like, ‘so I’m just not a bit crap at that, that’s just the way my mind works’.”
Gray has become a strong advocate for better understanding and acceptance of neurodiversity, having released the documentary Kids Wired Differently earlier this year inspired by her family’s journey.
Earlier this year, Gray faced another bout of what she felt was public criticism, after she was eliminated first from Dancing with the Stars, despite being seen by many viewers as the best dancer. While there was outrage at her shock exit and strong support, Gray said her elimination left her crying for days after.
“I was like, ‘God, Sonia, put yourself together…’, but it’s just such a public kind of humiliation.
“I saw that as being rejected, and then I was like, Okay, this was my worst-case scenario to get voted offfirst. I’m still alive, I’m still breathing. All these people are sending me lovely messages. Life hasn’t stopped and that was actually kind of meant to be, I think. I dunno if you call it failure, but I saw it as failure, [but] we just learn so much from it, don’t we?”
Listen to the full podcast as Gray discusses her childhood, her time as an actor, diversity in entertainment, and what her neurodiversity journey has taught her about compassion
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